FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
