That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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