Three words: puerto rican gang bang
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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