look no pants
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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