i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
