What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
