Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
