This dress was meant to end up on your floor
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
