I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
