remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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