I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
If I die, sorry about rent.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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