When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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