Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
