Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
