Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
