6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She's JV to your varsity
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
And then my night got REAL pukey
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
