i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
