Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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