question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
