he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
