Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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