Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
