Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
