So drunk its hurt
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
