I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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