chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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