No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
