It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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