hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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