I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
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