I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
