what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
