I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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