i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
