at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
