At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Hippo gnu deer
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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