Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
