she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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