I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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