i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he fucked my hip out of place.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
