I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
