Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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