It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
