3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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