I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
