He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
