the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
