Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
