I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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