What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
