he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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