had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I could make wine with my vomit
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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